Knight of Wands and The Devil – This guy again.

Harlem
By Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?
      Does it dry up
      like a raisin in the sun?
      Or fester like a sore—
      And then run?
      Does it stink like rotten meat?
      Or crust and sugar over—
      like a syrupy sweet?
      Maybe it just sags
      like a heavy load.
      Or does it explode?

 

Hi Miriam!  We’re baaaaccckkkk!  And we see that you’ve been procrastinating all day on acknowledging us in your writing.  You see, there’s this really interesting thing you do when you figure out what you want, when you start to feel that you actually deserve really awesome kick ass things in your life — yes, little old you, with all your flaws and addictions, with all the mistakes you’ve made, the embarrassing decisions you’ve tried to hide.  What you do is, you roll out the red carpet to welcome in the Amazing Thing you want to see in your life.  And then, you spread thumbtacks all over it.  We know why you do this.  It’s because you’re afraid you’re undeserving of happiness.  You’re afraid of what the neighbors will think if you let your dark side get a little more airtime.  You feel guilty for feeling lustful, and then you feel guilty for feeling guilty.  We’re here to tell you that the spiritual path isn’t going to be all flowers and rainbows all the time.  Sometimes, it’s going to look dark, and you’re going to have to accept that the darkness is also an important part of you.  Sooner or later, you’re going to have to stop sabotaging yourself.  So now that we’ve really got your attention, are you ready to make peace with The Devil?  Are you ready to make peace with yourself?

Dear Knight of Wands and The Devil,

Okay, I’ll admit it’s really freaky seeing you in particular again, Devil.  But I think I understand now what you’re trying to show me.  You’re showing me that whatever we resist really does persist.  You’re saying I should go ahead and take that leap of faith, go ahead and do the thing I’ve been afraid to do.  To allow the Knight of Wands to light to fires of desire, not to be afraid of wanting what I want.  To release the need to hide my flaws, my darkness, from the world.  I’m as deserving of passionate love as the next person, darkness and all.  I’m allowed to feel whatever it is I feel, and I need to let go of judging what those emotions are supposed to look like.  I’m complete and perfectly imperfect, just as I am.  I’m ready to open up to the next big experience of my life.  I no longer have to attempt to preserve what is.  That is an action born of fear.  Instead, I can allow it to burn away, clearing away the brush and brambles, clearing the path to what’s real for me.  It isn’t up to anyone else.  I get to choose, and I get to own that choice.  I don’t have to let the fear make my choices for me.

To Hell with fear.  Fear is a part of life.  Pain is part of it, too.  But I’m still here.

I’ll always be.

Love and Light, and everything between,

Miriam

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